Zach Parise, please do anything

I WROTE A POEM TODAY!!!
(Sometimes I write poetry about hockey. It's a thing. Whatever)

JULY 3 2012 (day 3 of free agency)

Will someone give me 100 plus million dollars
so I can buy Zach Parise?

I don't know what I would do with him yet
but it wouldn't hurt.
It may involve glitter eyeliner
or cosplay
anything to make you laugh.

Right now he belongs to no one.
It's a twitter topic trend.
There's a consenus that his unattached state is not good
but very very wrong.

So please,
would someone give me more than 100 million dollars
so I can buy Zach Parise?

I promise I would take very good care of him.



Isn't that a lovely poem? I called my fiance on the phone and read it to her. She was impressed. Also, I should loudly read poetry while walking downtown all the time because it's fun.
I do get why he's taking forever because he's deciding what he's going to be doing for the next decade of his life. I even sympathize because I myself am terribly indecisive, but it's just really boring, and that's sad. Things shouldn't be boring when they could be excited.
I'm not super invested in where he signs, but I do care. As a MPLSgrrl I understand why he would want to sign with the Wild because MN is just the best. Also, if he signed here then the Wild wouldn't be boring. That would be good.
If he signed with the Penguins they would stop looking good and start looking downright dangerous, which I could get behind. However, (and I admit to not knowing lots of stuff), it might be that they'd do better signing Suter because they already have folks who are good at scoring goals. Or they could get both, but that's probably not gonna happen.
If he signs anywhere else I probably wouldn't notice a whole lot because reasons.

Anyway, I hope he does something. There's a whole website exclusively dedicated to letting us know when he does, which is pretty sweet.

THAT IS ALL.